Good Friday

  I have once again over the last few days learned more about my wonderful neighbors than I care too.
The other night we were confronted about the EPA being called, by the one that the wife and I think is the brains of the bunch. This is the husband to Deep Fried Twinkie, we are guessing that the old couple had a hard time with what the "government official" gave them to read, and was waiting for Lord Brains to come home and decipher it for them. Once he did, he felt the need to come talk to me about it. Against my wife's better judgement, I went over to the property line and spoke with him. He asked if I called and I replied "yes sir I did" then the conversation went from there. Not gonna really get into specifics but here are some of the highlights: We have learned that if a storm takes down a perfectly healthy tree or branches in this same tree and a redneck parks his piece of sh!t truck under it, they gonna make us pay. And you have to imagine the little Hee Haw dance he was doing when he said it and clapping his hands. Second thing we learned is that they don't like the smells my wood stove puts out during the winter, so to get us back he is "going to buy me a wood stove this year", and once again with the Hee Haw dance thing. I really wished I had video taped it. Now I don't know how him buying a wood stove is going to get back at me, but if it makes him feel warm and fuzzy like a coon skin cap, who am I to stop it? But I am going to look for some stinky ass wood to burn this year. And the last thing would be that he tried to kick one of the dogs that hang out around the house and said "I'm gonna kill every dog on my property that ain't mines" and tried to kick the dog. Now he missed miserable and almost feel over, yes this did bring a smirk to my face. I then look down and in between my feet sat his old decrepit pug. I looked down at the dog then at him and said "REALLY?!" And for one last time the dance came back and he's clapping his hands saying "go pee little buddy, go pee" Now if I didn't love animals like I do, that dog would have been air mailed back to his property via my foot. So after a few more choice words, Lord Brain asked if he built a privacy fence, would that solve things? I almost hugged me a redneck...just kidding. I said "Yes, Yes I think that would be just grand!!!" We shook hands on it, if you would have seen my wife's face at that point, PRICELESS. She later said to me "let's shake on it? What the hell is wrong with you?" But before we walked away, Lord Brain said that once the fence is up what happens on this side stays on this side and vice versa. And that if we weren't happy after that, that he would buy us a compass and we can find our way back to where ever we came from! A compass?! Redneck's don't know about GPS systems? So at this point we are hopelessly waiting on a privacy fence. But on a lighter note, today Deep Fried Twinkie ran out of gas in her parents driveway, which is right next to our side of their property. HA HA HA she wouldn't get out of the truck and the angle the truck was sitting on wasn't registering the little bit of gas they were putting in it. She sat there for about 20 minutes screaming at the kids to get more gas. I know she knew we were watching and it was killing her. Now her having to get gas better not take away from the fence budget!
Have a great evening/day everyone,
A redneck's neighbor